Sunday, April 16


hey dudes!
all my clients cancelled for today.
that means it's a surprise day off.
and i'm pretty surprised, for sure.
i guess they didn't know it was easter when they booked their appointments?
maybe it's because their moms want to make sure they get their cadbury goo-eggs?
there's those chopped-off lamb limbs, and pig buttcheeks to prepare-
those are important (to lambs and pigs, especially)
and also,
there's something with little girls in hats, i think, too, right?
that's a part of easter, isn't it?
i dunno.
it's been a heck of a long time since my sisters and i got dressed up to go to church
for the sake of all the elderly ladies in our family.
so, while i remember the hats, and the cellophane grass,
and the hollow rabbits with candy eyes,
i have to let you guys in on a little tidbit-
easter isn't one of the ones, man.
like, it isn't one of the ones i care about.
holidays, i mean.
it's mostly ham and pastels or some sh!t,
and while i love a soft palette of springtime color,
all the jesusy-passed-over-passover-comeback-kid stuff doesn't tickle my fancy.
and the thought of a last supper bums me out SO hard.
for realsies,
i want ALL of the suppers, man.
and besides,
my kids aren't around for baskets of candy beans,
and they're past the point of funtime egg hunting,
and i don't eff around with eggs anyway....
easter isn't really the hottness when you don't employ any of the ingredients...
except maybe the hats.
no. hold on. they're actually bonnets, aren't they.
i'm not about that life.
y'know what IS the hottness?
that new-new cake recipe jauns!
and is it heavenly enough to replace all the other stuff?
i can get behind some of that.
i can climb aboard that party-bus bandwagon.
that i can dive right into that deep cakey crumb.
the wages of sin is CAKE.
thank god that dude died to cancel out the bill for all of that.
i'm so super-psyched on how primo the results are.
check the resurrection-type teleport:

(due to leaveners and heat reacting)
vanilla bean paste is great, because it has all those little dustlettes of real-real in it.
they taste the same, but they look cooler.
and ugly food is NOT invited to the makeout party, man.
i'll give you the recipe again,
with the current mods accounted for,
in case you're feeling ambitious,
and want to rock the socks off of any sock-wearing cake eaters in your area.
here it goes:
1 cup sugar + 2 T raw sugar;
1 stick  (8T ) vegan butters;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 1/2 tsp vanilla bean paste;
-creamed together in your mixer-
3/4 cup non-dairy yogurt,
whisked in until fluffyish and creamy-smooth.
2 1/4 cups a.p. flour + 2-3 T organic cornstarch;
2 tsp bakey powder;
1 tsp bakey soda;
1/4 cup tapioca;
whisked for three minutes on high speed with
1 cup non-dairy milk + 1 T lemon juice.
spoon it out into a well-greased and floured pan, pans, or bowl, or whatever,
and bake it for at least 30 minutes, at 350F,
or until the centers are fully-cooked, and a tester comes out clean.
....that's standard cake stuff,
but the cake, as listed, is anything but standard.
it's F*ing exemplary.
this particular tasty piece has double-whipped better-than-evercreme frosting
in between and on top.
and strawberry-infused swirls,
AND freeze-dried crushed-strawberry dust-activated drizzle icing, as well.
treats are better when they're pretty.
and two types of frosting aren't enough.
too much is the right amount,
so drizzles seemed like a necessity, not a luxury.
it's just a half a teaspoon of strawberry powder,
a few tablespoons of powdered sugar,
a drip of vanilla,
and a dash of lemon juice, enough to liquefy everything else.
a hole poked in a sandwich bag had it doing a great job of impersonating a pastry bag,
and those cross hatched stripes really turned the volume up on all the cakey flavors.
y'gotta hook up those exxxtras, kids.
that's how you take it to eleven.
over-the-top toppings are the TRUTH.
and truth-tellers can never stop.
having the day OFF, tho.
that's different.
what am i even gonna do?!?!
bake, obvi.
cook, most likely.
and maybe make some art?
this could be the day that some new makey marks get made.
before any of that, though,
me and crabtree are already all ready and set-
and weather permitting,
we're going to roam and rove across fields and streams,
through woods and over rocks and all of that woodsly goodsly natural stuff,
to explore and adventure on either end of what would've been a weak-sauce workday,
but will instead be an expert active participatory team-building exercise
between an old fella and a good boy.
it's all really happening.
not the easter stuff, but definitely everything else;
never quiet, never soft.....

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