Sunday, April 23


i s'pose it's a good thing i'm a reclusive introvert
the instant i get away from the tattoo studio.
since i'm not out cavorting and frolicking late into the evenings,
there are no real distractions from the quest for expert sourdough.
....that's real.
and since i don't have anywhere else to be,
i don't so feel badly that i spend a chunk of my time folding dough, y'know?
i mean,
what else would i be doing?
going to a bar?
F* no!
going to a club?
that's just a bar with louder music.
i guess could be doing yardwork,
but, c'mon, now-
honestly, how sweatily freakin' terrible does mid-spring cold-air raking sound?
i know.
and really, the bread dough doesn't even take that much attention.
i just happen to care more about, and have a greater emotional investment in,
a slice of unbelievable homemade radical sourdough toast in the morning,
than the prospect of being around a boring batch of box-mix m-f'ers.
i don't think that's elitist.
i think i've got my priorities in order, neighbors.
real talk:
good bread makes better people.
i'm just trying to ensure that self-improvement begins at the breakfast table.
i tell myself that small actions add up to big changes,
what's probably more accurate is that small actions add up to big heaps of bread.
too much is the right amount, though,
and more and better bread is not a bad thing.
i've been a busy baker, and my tri-weekly bakes have produced some pretty decent results.
y'wanna see?
i'll preface it with the following:
flour. yeast, water, and salt are the requirements.
a pinch of sugar, a dash of gluten, a little bit of almond milk-
those things make an appearance here and there....
but the main four, plus time, and a whole lotta love,
are all you really need.
that said,
i make a LOT of oatmeal, white mountain white winter wheat, and rye breads.
you'll see:

is that the perfect oatmeal country loaf?
it might be.
it didn't last long, that's usually a good indication.
and how about these:

rye with wheat germ? dope!
oatmeal boule?? SO dope!
i've found a rhythm to what i do.
i still don't weigh anything,
and i add a splash or a dash here and there by eye, and by feel.
i'd probably not do that if the bread sucked.
however, trusting my instincts about making dough has treated me well thus far,
so i'm gonna keep it up.
take a look at a few more, buddy:

and this one, with the explosive oven spring:

the oatmeal is high on the sexxxy levels, for sure.
or how about these tasty mofos:

the crust game is on point.
uncovered in a convection oven at 460F.
for 50 minutes, with steam injection at the halfway point
(what i mean is, that's when i splash boiling water on the oven stones)
i've even tried some things that are probably not things with good reason,
like a 24hour bulk, with no cold proof:

that one tasted ridiculous, but it's looks were a little on the underdramatic side.
my house is usually not super toasty warm,
so i bulk my dough, with 3 regularly timed folds from 6a.m. to 9a.m.,
plus one more at 11 a.m., then a looong rise until 6ish when i get home,
shape the loaves,
and let them rest for a nother 'nother couple of hours,
until 8:30-9 p.m.
the following day, they're in the oven by 7 a.m.
after i've run through all my early morning routines.
i think it's a system that works well,
with all of the responsible pet-ownership, and excessive treats-baking activation
that seem to suck in whole swaths of time every damned day.
y'gotta make time for the good bread, tho, bro.
rule is rules.
i recently ran out of cracked rye.
i did.
and i've been replacing it with einkorn and wheat berries.
nobody has noticed, so i guess that's good news, and bad news, all  at once.
it'd be nice if discriminating palates could discern the difference in kernels,
but i s'pose the savage tear-up of a hot slice is compliment enough.
look at some of these:

shoutouts to my rye guy!

(and the oatmeal's looking sexxxy as always, too)

even without the caraway seeds.
what about white whole wheat?
or spelt?
i got you covered:

i can't say it enough- i LOVE good bread!!!
i tried some oat flour, instead of oatmeal.
it was ok, but not as amazing as the whole oat cragmaster blasters i'm used to:

nice, but where's the dynamic action?
the whole wheat business is uniformly a dense endeavor.
hearty, healthy whole grains are one thing,
but heavy crumb is the opposite of what i want.
to that end, i eff around with some white-on-white mountain jauns on the regular:


and just so you don't think i HATE the whole wheat, here's a little hybrid vigor for your eyes:

that's what brings the party to the toaster,
and then gets freak-nasty with a pat of butterish.
i'm a busy baker,
and that's no joke.
in addition to all the cakes and cookies and pies and tarts,
i've got loaves on loaves on loaves, too.
i gift away a loaf or two every week.
really, what's the point of stockpiling bread?
it's got a finite lifespan, and it's made to be enjoyed.
i'm sharing my passion with a select few appreciators of the hottness.
not just anybody gets the good-good, guys.
i mean,
i'm not NOT an elitist,
i just don't think preferring bread to bars is the criteria.
determining who is worthy of a loaf tho?
that's definitely a better example.
guess i need more good bread, to become a better person.
and i guess that means more time spent kneading at home.
it's all got to keep on happening.
after all,
that's the whole point;
never quiet, never soft.....

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